It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
