Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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