We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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