omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
