someone threw a dead crab at me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
