y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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