i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
