Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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