Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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