shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
