Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
