When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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