Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
bring money and cleavage
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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