I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
