u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
