Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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