His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
