did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
