ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
