I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
