My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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