I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
