Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
