Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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