i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
