What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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