just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
