im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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