I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
