she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
