haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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