I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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