Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
