Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
