Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
