Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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