there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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