I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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