I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think your dad took our porno
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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