Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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