Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
