Plan B is the new Plan A
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
