I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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