And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
