I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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