I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
