i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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