So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
