i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
