I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
