He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
