the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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